THE TOP THIRTEEN MOST FAMOUS FICTIONAL GHOSTS

Well, it's official, this marks the LAST of my Halloween-themed lists! *SOB* And I was having so much fun, too! Oh well, on to other things for November. Anyway, I have done a duo of lists featuring ghosts already: One with REAL ghost photos, and one about ghost MOVIES, so, to round out the Trilogy, this time I figured I do a ghost list based on the most famous fictional frighteners. This is an all-inclusive type deal covering cartoons, comics, and even classic literature. So sit back, in the dark, light a candle (be careful, fire is hot!) and enjoy this list about some phony ghosts!



<**< < >oo> >**> (:o} (Those'r ghosts, see? Whatever)




13) PATRICK SWAYZE (GHOST)







Yeah, I know I left him off the Ghost Movie list, and, well, I heard about it. So, I'm making amends here, reluctantly, by giving the Swayze his rightful dues. However, as a straight man who has no interest in watching Patrick the Spook get all clay-coated with his woman, I will freely admit that Demi Moore, as per the norm, was smoking hot and made men everywhere almost wish they were Swayze if not just for a moment. Other fine Swayze movies to get manly to: Roadhouse, Red Dawn, Next of Kin.




12) THE PHANTOM







In the jungles of the fictional African country of Bangalla, there is a myth featuring "The Ghost Who Walks", a powerful and indestructible guardian of the innocent. Because he seems to have existed for generations, some believe him to be immortal. In reality, the Phantom is descended from 20 previous generations of crime-fighters who all adopt the same persona. When a new Phantom takes the task from his dying father, he swears the Oath of the Skull: "I swear to devote my life to the destruction of piracy, greed, cruelty, and injustice, in all their forms, and my sons and their sons shall follow me". Ok, so it's a bit of a stretch, but cut me some slack, at least I didn't mention that Billy Zane/Christy Swanson/Treat Williams piece of crap flick. How about half credit.




11) GHOST RIDER







The Ghost Rider is a human who can transform into a being with a flaming skull and supernatural powers. The motorcycles he rides can travel faster than conventional motorcycles and can perform such seemingly impossible feats such as riding up a vertical surface, across the surface of water and leaping across great distances that normal motorcycles could not match. The Ghost Riders are notoriously hard to injure by any conventional means, as bullets and knives usually pass through them without causing pain. The Ghost Riders possess superhuman strength, enough to easily pick up a motorcycle and hurl it across a room. It has been stated that John Blaze as Ghost Rider can press around 5 tons. Ok, so it's a bit of a stretch, but cut me some slack, at least I didn't mention that Nick Cage/Sam Elliot/Peter Fonda piece of semi-crap flick. How about half credit. Wow, I just had the weirdest sense of deja vu...




10) THE GHOST







Special, X 8, V1 #1-12: Elisa Cameron is dead. She has a sister, Margo, with whom she slowly reconciles and moves in with, as well as two recently sober parents, who are eventually murdered by a shadowy psionic that seems to know something about her past as a reporter, apparently slain over a story she was covering. Her natural weakness is jade, which keeps her from "ghosting" out and being able to pass through objects. She discovers she has the ability to "jump", but must cross a sort of "Hell" in order to do so. Elisa faces a series of psionics, led by Dr. October, a woman who wanted to eliminate Elisa for being beautiful even in death. Elisa also must deal with a demon, Cameron Nemo, which escapes from her "hell", causing much destruction, before the aid of King Tiger helps her defeat the demon. Elisa also learns that her jumps, her Hell, even Nemo, are all a construct of her own imagination. Also she's smokin' hot, which is pretty much standard for Dark Horse women.




9) HAMLET







The play opens on a cold night at Elsinore, the Danish royal castle. The sentinels try to persuade Hamlet's friend Horatio that they have seen King Hamlet's ghost, when it appears again. After hearing from Horatio of the Ghost's appearance, Hamlet resolves to see the Ghost himself. That night, the Ghost appears to Hamlet. He tells Hamlet that he is the spirit of his father, and discloses that Claudius murdered King Hamlet by pouring poison in his ears. The Ghost demands that Hamlet avenge him; Hamlet agrees and decides to fake madness to avert suspicion. He is, however, uncertain of the Ghost's reliability. SPOOKY!




8) DISNEY WORLD'S HAUNTED MANSION HITCH HIKERS





**Not my video, just one I found on YouTube, but is is perfect!**


I remember the very first time I went to Disney World, I think I was like ten, and we decided to try out the classic Haunted Mansion ride. From the very first moment when crowd is given witness to the phantom hitch hikers, you just know you're in for a real treat. Once inside the car, you're taken through a 'spooky' house (Disney style, so not too awful bad) full of singing spirits featuring many classic Disney voice over artists (dig it here) and the amazing Tony the Tiger/Grinch Songster himself: Thurl Ravenscroft. Eventually you pass a mirror just before the end and, no matter who's sitting next to you (a living person, I mean) you'll automatically get a ghost rider and it is so very cool. No holograms in use here, as I later found out in a 1991 behind the scenes tour, but just a great usage of mirrors. Damn impressive.




7) THE GHOSTS OF A CHRISTMAS CAROL







This is easily one of my favorite books, regardless of its Holiday attachment. I remember back in junior high when I was first introduced to this Dickens classic and, despite the fact that we were supposed to read something like 10 pages a night or something, I devoured the entire thing in two nights. I was so intrigued by the spirits offering Scrooge, ultimately, a second chance at being less of a miser. Though most people remember the Big 3 ghosts, as it were, as The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, one must remember that Jacob Marley was the first a really the one that got to Scrooge first, as he was his old business partner. The two best versions of this story I have seen are the fantastic Disney animated featurette, and the movie Scrooge with Bill Murray. Seriously, I love that movie!




6) THE FUNKY PHANTOM







Similar to Hanna-Barbera's successful Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!, The Funky Phantom featured three teenagers — Skip, April and Augie — and their dog Elmo. These four living beings solved spooky mysteries with the help of two ghostly companions, a Revolutionary War-era ghost named Jonathan Wellington "Mudsy" Muddlemore and his cat, Boo. Oh, and if you're wondering why Mudsy sounds so much like Snagglepuss, it's because it's the same voice; the wonderful and supremely talented Daws Butler, a HB staple.




5) INKY, PINKY, BLINKY, and CLYDE







No other enemies existed in the video game, Pac-Man, other than time and your own inability to move the joy stick fast enough. These four ghosts, apparently, each had their own individual attributes though, honestly, I just remember each adopting the skill of being completely fucking annoying. Their soul (get it?) purpose in existence was to get either in front of you or behind you and touch you thereby rending your chomping yellow mouth in twain. However, strategically placed in the corners of the mazes were your defense and offense against these irritating spooks: POWER PELLETS! Inhale one of these bad boys and you were sending a floating set of disembodied eyeballs back to ghost town. Aw classics...




4) BEETLEJUICE







The Michael Keaton-performed Tim Burton-classic Beetlejuice has become a Halloween staple, and for good reason! When Alec Baldwin and Gena Davis find themselves less than alive, they suddenly realize they might need help retaining their home from Jeffery Jones, Catherine O'Hara, and Wynona Ryder. Who are you going to inadvertantly get ahold of? Beetlejuice, that's who! Cue the MAYHEM!




3) BOOBERRY







The one and only delicious spook on this list, so he's certainly got that going for him, and indeed the most difficult to find save for the Halloween season. I have no Earthly idea why, he's just as tasty as his cereal brethren, Frankenberry and Count Chocula, but he's just not available on the off season! Here's funny, too: I don't generally like blueberries outside of breakfast foods, so, to that end, I love pancakes with them, and, consequently, this cereal! Ok, now I want some...




2) SLIMER





** Right about 4:53 is where the magic happens **


First seen during the investigation of the library in the original Ghostbusters, Slimer was an instant fan favorite and soon after went on to star in the Real Ghostbusters cartoon and appear in the sequel to the film. Basically, he's just a fat green wad of ectoplasm, but that's done nothing to take away from his fame.




1) CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST









There really shouldn't be any need to even describe who this is. So, I'll let the vignette speak for itself. HAVE A GREAT HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

THE TOP TEN HALLOWEEN NECESSITIES

So Halloween is Friday and I have to say I really look forward to it every year. We were smart and got our kids costumes a month ago so we're more than prepared there. Also, since we're not going to be home, no need to stock up on goodies to hand out, so we've got that going for us. Anyway, the neighborhood we frequent happens to be my Grandmother's and is consequently filled with the elderly and families more than willing to doll out massive wads of the good stuff. Oh sure, my kids love the candy, as do I (no big secret there) but they are relatively picky and pretty much leave all the chocolate to me. Yep, I WIN! As for the trinkets (ie: spider rings, coupons, what have you), they generally get those and that's cool with me. Anyway, enough prattling on, here's our list for the day consisting of the TOP TEN NECESSITIES FOR HALLOWEEN ENJOYMENT. Have a good one!




10) SCARY STORIES







What Halloween could respect itself without the benefit of a scary story or two? None, that's which ones. The book I have shown here is the wildly popular and excessively freaky SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK. I remember reading this little nugget of shivers when I was in school (I'm 34) and this thing still manages to illicit the goose pimples (did I mention I'm 34! Shit, I can handle ANY horror movie but this book continues to get to me...) If you want to truly give your children nightmares for life, read them some of these gems. Here's a sample.




9) HALLOWEEN PARTIES







Halloween parties were the places to be when I was a lad about town looking for anywhere to hork down liters of alcohol. They apparently still are, but I wouldn't know as I have more pressing issues at hand, namely children who want to go out begging. I digress. The best thing about really good Halloween parties were the ones where you went as costumed as possible, tossed your keys into a big bowl, partied like it was your last night on earth, and left with whomever owned the keys you were paired with. Good times; ugly chicks. Wait, maybe that wasn't that much fun after all.




8) HALLOWEEN SPECIALS ON TV







Sadly, gone and long-missed are the days when Halloween Specials on TV ran rampant. I used to love the Garfield Special, there was a Casper one I vaguely remember, and I think the Thundercats go Trick or Treating... maybe. Anyway, the only one now that's as classic as all the others is the one you see above: It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Easily the best and the first part of their still-televised Holiday Trifecta including Thanksgiving and Christmas. Oh sure, if you have cable (and what normal human doesn't), you can count on ABC Family or Disney to pump out the specials for you, but none can compare to the steadfast greatest.






7) SPOOKY MUSIC







Spooky music can very easily set the mood for any Halloween occasion from a big bash to a cemetery-themed front lawn. My favorite, which I will graciously include here, is the Danny Elfman-performed theme to Tales From The Crypt. Not especially scary, but in certainly invokes a slew of memories of that amazing show from HBO. Oh, and in case you didn't know, John Kassir, the voice of the Crypt Keeper, also did Roger Rabbit. There's your trivia for the day.






6) HAUNTED HOUSES







Many channels of late have offered up tons of shows based on a group of folks heading out to a supposed haunted house and, putting themselves in paranormal dire straights, spending the night there photographing everything they see and recording all they hear. I have to admit, as a believer, I'll pretty much watch any one of these though I do find the ones featuring some British douche bag being all Chatty Cathy with the spooks a bit far fetched, but they're all pretty cool in their own ways. Oh, and if you've never been in a haunted house (I've been in half a dozen anyway), nothing quite prepares you for it. Trust me.




5) HORROR MOVIES







It used to be that Halloween marked the best time of year to shell out your cash for any number of Halloween films and Horror films. Now, not so much. The last bastion of hope these days is to catch yet another entry into the Saw franchise, and that's cool, but I do long for the bygone days when one could expect at least a handful of them out there. Oh well. Shit, even the new Friday the 13th re-imagining/remake/untold nugget doesn't see release until February and the oft heralded Trick R Treat isn't getting wide release at all! So, here's a treat for those of you who miss a good horror flick:






4) DECORATIONS







Halloween decorations are a must for a family with children. Believe me, having just moved and not being able (see: wanting) to put up Halloween detritus this late in the season is garnering certain reactions (see: whining) from the kids. Oh well, we'll make it up on Christmas. I would suggest any one or all of the following: skeletons, ghosts, disembodied hand, grave stones, giant spiders, and a spooky talking face. These are sure to liven up the old digs, especially if you live in a mental institute.




3) HALLOWEEN COSTUMES







It goes without mentioning that one needs a cool costume in order to 'legally' illicit candy from the neighborhood contributors. Nothing hollers laziness and non-conformity like high school-aged jack offs parading around in Hoodies or Football-team T's just to bag some sweets. It's kids like those who need to be toilet-papered to a tree for the night. Get with the program and the spirit and at least get a zombie mask or your sister's Emo make-up and join in on the festivities! The only excuse one has for a lack of apparel is if you're a parent traipsing around with your hyper-active kids bounding from front door to front door. It's hard to keep up in your Furry get-up.




2) JACK O' LANTERNS






Carving pumpkins has certainly come a long way since I was a tyke. Back then, you had your dad take the family butcher knife to the orange gourd and hack away until something resembling a slasher-chopped face appeared, then you plopped in a candle and away you went. A week later, generally on Halloween night, you were left with a pile of rotten vegetation oozing off your front stoop thanks to the weather obviously afflicted with serious Turret's Syndrome, and everyone was happy. Today? Shit, you need clay and wood-carving tools, a master's degree in design, and an imagination better than your neighbor's just to come up with something partly original. Yay Halloween!





1) CANDY







Let's face it: aside from the once-feared All Hallowed Eve, and the prospect of Devil's Night, and the lore of the Dead rising from graves, Halloween will always be about the candy. Why else would anyone bother getting dressed up to go out for the night if you weren't going out to ransack the neighborhood of its sweet, sweet rewards? There would be no point. Now, for the most part, candy is candy and I can and will consume nearly everything in an attempt to make sure my kid's bags of goodies are free from cyanide and razor blades, but, do us all a favor and avoid any and all of these: Necco Wafers, Chunky Bars, Smarties Necklaces, and those chalkier than a classroom backboard Monster Themed Candies. Ok, now you may carry on.

THE TOP 10 MOST QUOTABLE LINES FROM NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

So, I moved. Yup, packed up the fam and shuffled off to a new home that's all kinds of better. In the interim, that is while I recover from everything being crammed into 3 days, I enlisted the assistance of my best bud, Doug to fork over a list for me. Enjoy!


"So, the Big Chief Magoo of Friday Night Lists asked me for another list. This should be easy, I thought to myself. It’s October and that means Halloween. Yeah, I was torturing myself trying to come up with a list and then it hit me:
Here at The Waltz Compound we have a tradition on Halloween. We watch Night Of The Living Dead. I have seen this movie hundreds of times and it is, without a doubt, my favorite movie.
So here is the top ten most quotable lines from the original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. And as a bonus there’s a video clip at the end that is actually…THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!

(NOTE: I give the character name of who says the quote for each quote. If you don’t know who any of these people are, shame on you and watch the movie first.)"




10. BEN – 'Now get the Hell down in the cellar! You can be the boss down there, but I’m boss up here!'





9. HARRY COOPER – 'All right, now you tell me! I’m not gonna take that kind of chance when we’ve got a safe place! We luck into a safe place and you’re telling us we gotta risk our lives just because somebody might need help, huh?'
(On an unnecessary side note: Harry Cooper is a real dickweed.)





8. BEN – 'Don’t you know what’s going on out there? This is no Sunday School picnic!'





7. SHERIFF MCCLELLAND – 'Good shot! OK he’s dead let’s go get ‘em. That’s another one for the fire.'





6. BEN – 'I ought to drag you out there and FEED you to those things.'





5. HELEN COOPER – 'We may not enjoy living together, but dying together isn’t going to solve anything.'





4. BARBARA – 'Johnny has the keys…'





3. TOM – 'Well…the television said that’s the right thing to do.'





2. SHERIFF MCCLELLAND – 'Beat ‘em or burn ‘em, they go up pretty easy.'




And the number one quote from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD IS…..

Come on a say it with me people!!





1. JOHNNY – 'They’re coming to get you Barbara!'

And there you have it. Now enjoy the movie below. Yeah, it ain’t the greatest looking print, but it’s free and what do you want from public domain? Have an excellent Halloween

THE TOP 10 GREATEST GHOST MOVIES

Literally hundreds of movies claim to be ghost movies, and that's great, regardless of the fact that they're 'all about ghosts' or just 'sort of' about them. Now if I'm going to watch a GHOST MOVIE I like mine chock full of spirits from opening credits to closing crawl. So, for the purpose of this list, I chose 10 movies that fit firmly into that medium, while still having other things going on plot wise to coast comfortably from BOO to BOO, as it were. Now I also know that there's no way I could have possibly gotten this list right for all of you, and I half-ass apologize for that. I say 'half-ass' because fifty percent of these lists is based wholly on my own opinion and likes and dislikes. So, with that, you readers have an open invitation to SEND ME YOUR FAVORITES VIA THE COMMENT SCREEN and let me know, with as much humanity as you can muster, where I dropped the ball. Now, in the immortal words of Carol Anne, 'They're Heeeeere...'
PS- No, GHOST with 'Roadhouse' ass-kicker, Patrick Swayze was NOT a good movie. Sorry, FTW!





10) JU-ON (THE GRUDGE - 2003) - Dir. Takashi Shimizu









No. This is not the American remake starring Buffy. This is the original, Japanese version with far deeper scares and a far more complex and less convoluted story. Apparently, dying while in turmoil leaves a lasting curse on the location in which it occurred. In this case, it's a house and it's just overrun with malevolent spirits looking to meow like cats and have long, wet ghost hair. It's pretty freaky. Oh, I watched both versions back to back one day, ya know, for laughs, and it's amazing just how different they really are. Try it yourself!




9) 2000 MANIACS (1964) - Dir. Hershell Gordon Lewis









"The South will RISE again!" Based a bit loosely on the play, Brigadoon, a group of folks attend a Centennial Celebration in the deep south only to encounter the angered spirits that occupy those same fair grounds. Lewis is well known for his colorful and plentiful gore, and this film does not disappoint. In fact, watching the wacky hicks roasting a woman's arm while singing about it is just too classic.




8) THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (1979) - Dir. Stuart Rosenberg









Amityville builds a creeping mood filled with fright-inducing suspense. The effects are simple but effective and the performances are somewhat over the top but just as necessarily wacky. The film's overall lasting appeal has little to do with the film's apparent campiness as it has more to do with the real terror inducing legend that inspired it. Besides, when you've got a cast that includes bat-shit crazy Margot Kidder of Superman fame, it's all gold.




7) THIR13EN GHOSTS (2001) - Dir. Steve Beck









Yes, it's a remake, but it's better and therefor OK by me. Though the acting was every bit of the 09's-00's horror movie sassy street shit we've all come to abhor from most films like this, I have to say the house was truly inventive and on the DVD you can check out at your leisure each and every one of the 13 ghosts with full descriptions. Oh, and if the name F. Murray Abraham doesn't sell you, well, I guess I was wrong about you.




6) GHOST STORY (1981) - Dir. John Irvin









Fred Astaire? Douglas Fairbanks Jr.? John FRIKKIN Housman? Are you serious! That's like a who's who of old-timey Hollywood under one horror roof! Pretty decent adaptation of a Straub novel, well, at least far better that horror author's generally get, and a bit spooky here and there, Ghost Story follows a group of friends being tormented by a vengeful dead acquaintance played by Alice Krige later of Star Trek fame. Look it up, you'll see.




5) POLTERGEIST (1982) - Dir. Tobe Hooper









"It knows what scares you" Best. Tagline. EVER! This movie used to scare the shit out of me when I was a kid, absolutely. Yet, I watched it every time I got the chance. It was always the tree scene and the clown scene and that little toy woman, Zelda Rubenstein... GAHH! Well, whether or not you believe in the legends of the many cast members demises brought on by doing these films or not should only make your viewing pleasure of this movie all the better.




4) THE FRIGHTENERS (1996) - Dir. Peter Jackson








Michael J. Fox versus Jake Busey and Jeffrey Combs! Now that's quality entertainment! A movie visually designed and well written by master Robert Zemeckis, the ghost effects in this are particularly cool and the story is very well done. Fox can see the dead and 'employs' a few of them to aid in his 'cleansing' of targeted houses reaping the benefits. Until, literally, all Hell breaks loose. Oh, and those of you in love with Pushing Daisies as I am, Chi McBride (Emmerson) plays a spook in this movie.




3) BEETLEJUICE (1988) - Dir. Tim Burton









If you haven't seen this movie featuring the outstanding Michael Keaton as 'The Ghost With The Most', the exit door is to your left. Oh sure, he steals this Burton classic dealing with, well, Burton-esque visages of the undead, but the likes of Ryder, Davis, Baldwin, and the always awesome character actor Jeffrey Jones do 'killer' jobs themselves. Bad pun. Sorry. The music, provided by Burton's man-love, Danny Elfman, really sets the mood as two lost and relatively stupid new ghosts try in vein to win back their home from a marauding family bent on making it their own. BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE!




2) THE 6th SENSE (1999) - Dir. M. Night Shyamalan









Easily both Osment and Shayamalan's best film, The 6th Sense offers the viewer the opportunity to grasp the perfectly constructed story line from nearly the first minute. One of Hollywood's finest endings of all time, the build up becomes so apparent once the climax hits you like a ton of bricks. Follow the red items and you'll be able to discern specific bits long before the end hands them to you. Oh, and I'm still a bit miffed that my wife figured this film out, in the theater, before I did. Congrats, honey. Seriously.




1) GHOSTBUSTERS (1984) - Dir. Ivan Reitman









To not have this classic ghost movie at number one would have been a crying shame. Four losers who decide, cllectively, to become New York City's finest in free-roaming apparition disposal, Venkman, Spengler, Stantz, and Zedmore, with assistance from their secretary, Melnitz, traverse the tri-city area wreaking as much havoc as the ghosts they trap. An amazing movie full of tons of laughs, cool ghosts, and even an equally awesome sequel. Oh, and the rumor mill has it that a part 3 is in the works with all of the original cast sans Rick Moranis. Evidently he's living the rich life off of his 'Honey I Whatever' films. Good for him. Jerk.

THE TOP 13 HORROR MOVIE WEAPONRY

The stunning truth is that most, if not all, well known and heavily favored horror movie 'killers' (and I use that term a bit loosely, you'll see why in a second) are ultimately defined by not only how they destroy, but also by the implement with which they exact their slaughter. Not getting it? Ok, for instance: When I say Freddy Krueger, what's the first image that pops into your head... aside from bloody gore and a rapier wit. Yes, his razor-fingered gloves! It's like Sinatra said in his Love and Marriage song: 'you can't have one without the other.' Now, before I said horror movie 'killers', but unfortunately, even though this person is doing the killing, he is not necessarily the antagonist. Hell, in these films, even the 'hero' needs to get the good whacks in a time or two just to show the wicked hordes who they're messing with. So, here we have the top 13 horror movie weapons, each and every one so firmly connected to its respective owner as to go 'hand in hand'. It's a joke. Bah, whatever.





13) CANDYMAN - THE RUSTY, NASTY HOOK









Tony Todd has become one of horror-dom's most well know faces, as well as voices. His portrayal of hell-spawn Candyman, summoned by repeating his name five times in the mirror, not only wields his gory hook jammed ever-so uncomfortably into his right arm stump, but also the classic and infamous 'mouth-o'-bees'. Now one has to wonder, with one, isn't the other just a shade unnecessary? I guess not. Bees are awfully slow and unpredictable while a filthy hook does the job up right nicely.




12) SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE - THE DRILL









Man alive! For YouTube being such a purveyor of non-nudity, this trailer from Slumber Party Massacre sure has an awful lot of breasts in it. Anyway... wait, I can't just leave that. You NEVER see previews like this anymore, anywhere! Goodness! Ok, so our killer here, by the way in a slasher movie written by a Woman's Rights Activist (a lady, dimwits), sports the latest in power drill technology and wields it like a chainsaw, ie: slashing, cutting, and otherwise doing things a drill normally doesn't do. And that's why it's cool.




11) SAW - JIGSAW'S SHARP, TORTUROUS IMPLEMENTS








Though rolling on into 'out of control' territory with yet another film in the Saw series with part 5 opening next week, I have to admit, as originality goes, they've done pretty damn good so far. The overall story generally makes little difference how convoluted it gets, it's always the torture devices and wicked traps Jigsaw uses that really pour on the blood and guts. I chose this scene because that head contraption always bothered me, coupled quite nicely with the fact that the guy with the key in his gut was still alive. Nice.




10) SWEENEY TODD - STRAIGHT RAZOR









Though not widely promoted as a horror film per se, it is indeed a bloody little slash fest that fits quite nicely in my list, thanks very much. Tim Burton spared nothing on the gore, that's for sure, and the film itself is brilliant indeed. In this wonderful YouTube clip I found, someone was kind enough to wrap all the kills together in a neat little package! Oh, and I get to watch Depp beat the snot out of, and, ultimately slaughter Sacha Cohen... that's quality film making!




9) PHANTASM - THE BALL









Angus Scrimm (award winner for best name EVER) as the Tall Man in the Phantasm series (five, by the way) is as sinister and creepy as they come. Not one to over use tools for his menacing terrorizing, the Tall Man will, however, often employ a sphere with any number of wicked Swiss Army-like attachments at his disposal. As you can see in this trailer, the dual blades are a nice touch, but it also comes well equipped with a drill bit and a corkscrew! I'll take 10!




8) THE RING - A POSSESSED VHS TAPE









Ok, calling this a 'weapon' is a bit of a stretch. I suppose, if you want to get technical, the tape is the 'vehicle' in which resides the restless spirit of Samara who, in all actuality, is the one who does the killing. Happy? Well anyway, the movie is based, quite faithfully, on Japan's Ringu and is, in my opinion, every bit as good. Naomi Watts basically steals it, with Samara and her creepy-ass self coming in a close second. Good scares in this one.




7) THE BURNING - CROPSY AND THE HEDGE CLIPPERS









Yeah, yeah, so I used this movie in two back-two-back lists, sue me. As weaponry goes, however, not including Cropsy and his garden shears would have been a crying shame and I'd have been ridiculed by everyone, not the lest of which being my buddy, Doug. Though the raft massacre scene is the most well known (see last list), I included the very cool trailer this time. Those are SHARP!




6) THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE - LEATHERFACE AND HIS CHAINSAW









Not giving Leatherface his chainsaw would really have made the title to this titular horror film pointless and stupid. Sure, throughout he does employ such tools as hooks and a hammer, but when he revs up his saw, it's all about to go very, very badly. The end scene where he just wigs out flinging his saw all over the place, for some reason, still scares the crap out of me. Just imagine seeing that guy out in the middle of nowhere! Whether he's chasing you with a chainsaw or a spatula, he's pretty damn creepy.




5) HELLRAISER - PINHEAD'S CHAIN COLLECTION








Not JUST chains, mind you, but chains with hooks and razor wire thrown in just for laughs! Yes, Pinhead is one sadistic fellow. Inventive and ever so creative, if he's not the epitome of what Satan is, or even a decent visage of Norse evil-doer, Loki, I'm not sure who is. This clip is from Hellraiser III and I chose it because it really illustrates how Mr. Pinhead here goes about his daily routine of turning a packed building full of patrons into a slaughterhouse. Wow.




4) DEAD ALIVE - LIONEL'S LAWNMOWER









Here's a great example of the weapon and the wielder in question not doing the killing for nefarious purposes. Lionel here has a houseful of unwanted zombie guests. Asking them to leave just wouldn't be proper, in fact, it's downright rude! The acceptable way to rid your party of the undead is to strap a lawnmower to your person and hack the bunch to slick, drippy little bits. Very effective and the guests will thank you.




3) FRIDAY THE 13TH - JASON LOVES HIS MACHETE









In all actuality, Jason pretty much will hack you to death with whatever's handy. It just so happens that the machete is the most well know. This video is really well done and does a fine job of showing off Jason's many talents with such brutal killing implements as axes, spears, harpoon guns, and, of course, machetes. Such a professional!




2) A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET - FREDDY'S FOUR FINGERS









Freddy is one inventive dude. In fact, comparing him to the Bugs Bunny of the horror world wouldn't be too much of a stretch. Especially after parts 1 and 2, where he almost exclusively uses his glove as his primary means of dispatching his prey. Later on, he uses the tools necessary to frighten his victims the most: motorcycles, video games, syringes, television... you name it, he'll find a way to end you with it. So, whether or not he's actually slaughtering you with his bladed glove, he'll never be caught dead without it. HA!




1) THE EVIL DEAD - ASH: A MAN WITH A BOOMSTICK AND CHAINSAW HAND









It's official: No one is cooler than Bruce Campbell. From this scene forward, Ash exacts his revenge with these two weapons in tow all over some Deadite ass. Groovy.