THE TOP THIRTEEN MOST FAMOUS FICTIONAL GHOSTS

Well, it's official, this marks the LAST of my Halloween-themed lists! *SOB* And I was having so much fun, too! Oh well, on to other things for November. Anyway, I have done a duo of lists featuring ghosts already: One with REAL ghost photos, and one about ghost MOVIES, so, to round out the Trilogy, this time I figured I do a ghost list based on the most famous fictional frighteners. This is an all-inclusive type deal covering cartoons, comics, and even classic literature. So sit back, in the dark, light a candle (be careful, fire is hot!) and enjoy this list about some phony ghosts!



<**< < >oo> >**> (:o} (Those'r ghosts, see? Whatever)




13) PATRICK SWAYZE (GHOST)







Yeah, I know I left him off the Ghost Movie list, and, well, I heard about it. So, I'm making amends here, reluctantly, by giving the Swayze his rightful dues. However, as a straight man who has no interest in watching Patrick the Spook get all clay-coated with his woman, I will freely admit that Demi Moore, as per the norm, was smoking hot and made men everywhere almost wish they were Swayze if not just for a moment. Other fine Swayze movies to get manly to: Roadhouse, Red Dawn, Next of Kin.




12) THE PHANTOM







In the jungles of the fictional African country of Bangalla, there is a myth featuring "The Ghost Who Walks", a powerful and indestructible guardian of the innocent. Because he seems to have existed for generations, some believe him to be immortal. In reality, the Phantom is descended from 20 previous generations of crime-fighters who all adopt the same persona. When a new Phantom takes the task from his dying father, he swears the Oath of the Skull: "I swear to devote my life to the destruction of piracy, greed, cruelty, and injustice, in all their forms, and my sons and their sons shall follow me". Ok, so it's a bit of a stretch, but cut me some slack, at least I didn't mention that Billy Zane/Christy Swanson/Treat Williams piece of crap flick. How about half credit.




11) GHOST RIDER







The Ghost Rider is a human who can transform into a being with a flaming skull and supernatural powers. The motorcycles he rides can travel faster than conventional motorcycles and can perform such seemingly impossible feats such as riding up a vertical surface, across the surface of water and leaping across great distances that normal motorcycles could not match. The Ghost Riders are notoriously hard to injure by any conventional means, as bullets and knives usually pass through them without causing pain. The Ghost Riders possess superhuman strength, enough to easily pick up a motorcycle and hurl it across a room. It has been stated that John Blaze as Ghost Rider can press around 5 tons. Ok, so it's a bit of a stretch, but cut me some slack, at least I didn't mention that Nick Cage/Sam Elliot/Peter Fonda piece of semi-crap flick. How about half credit. Wow, I just had the weirdest sense of deja vu...




10) THE GHOST







Special, X 8, V1 #1-12: Elisa Cameron is dead. She has a sister, Margo, with whom she slowly reconciles and moves in with, as well as two recently sober parents, who are eventually murdered by a shadowy psionic that seems to know something about her past as a reporter, apparently slain over a story she was covering. Her natural weakness is jade, which keeps her from "ghosting" out and being able to pass through objects. She discovers she has the ability to "jump", but must cross a sort of "Hell" in order to do so. Elisa faces a series of psionics, led by Dr. October, a woman who wanted to eliminate Elisa for being beautiful even in death. Elisa also must deal with a demon, Cameron Nemo, which escapes from her "hell", causing much destruction, before the aid of King Tiger helps her defeat the demon. Elisa also learns that her jumps, her Hell, even Nemo, are all a construct of her own imagination. Also she's smokin' hot, which is pretty much standard for Dark Horse women.




9) HAMLET







The play opens on a cold night at Elsinore, the Danish royal castle. The sentinels try to persuade Hamlet's friend Horatio that they have seen King Hamlet's ghost, when it appears again. After hearing from Horatio of the Ghost's appearance, Hamlet resolves to see the Ghost himself. That night, the Ghost appears to Hamlet. He tells Hamlet that he is the spirit of his father, and discloses that Claudius murdered King Hamlet by pouring poison in his ears. The Ghost demands that Hamlet avenge him; Hamlet agrees and decides to fake madness to avert suspicion. He is, however, uncertain of the Ghost's reliability. SPOOKY!




8) DISNEY WORLD'S HAUNTED MANSION HITCH HIKERS





**Not my video, just one I found on YouTube, but is is perfect!**


I remember the very first time I went to Disney World, I think I was like ten, and we decided to try out the classic Haunted Mansion ride. From the very first moment when crowd is given witness to the phantom hitch hikers, you just know you're in for a real treat. Once inside the car, you're taken through a 'spooky' house (Disney style, so not too awful bad) full of singing spirits featuring many classic Disney voice over artists (dig it here) and the amazing Tony the Tiger/Grinch Songster himself: Thurl Ravenscroft. Eventually you pass a mirror just before the end and, no matter who's sitting next to you (a living person, I mean) you'll automatically get a ghost rider and it is so very cool. No holograms in use here, as I later found out in a 1991 behind the scenes tour, but just a great usage of mirrors. Damn impressive.




7) THE GHOSTS OF A CHRISTMAS CAROL







This is easily one of my favorite books, regardless of its Holiday attachment. I remember back in junior high when I was first introduced to this Dickens classic and, despite the fact that we were supposed to read something like 10 pages a night or something, I devoured the entire thing in two nights. I was so intrigued by the spirits offering Scrooge, ultimately, a second chance at being less of a miser. Though most people remember the Big 3 ghosts, as it were, as The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, one must remember that Jacob Marley was the first a really the one that got to Scrooge first, as he was his old business partner. The two best versions of this story I have seen are the fantastic Disney animated featurette, and the movie Scrooge with Bill Murray. Seriously, I love that movie!




6) THE FUNKY PHANTOM







Similar to Hanna-Barbera's successful Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!, The Funky Phantom featured three teenagers — Skip, April and Augie — and their dog Elmo. These four living beings solved spooky mysteries with the help of two ghostly companions, a Revolutionary War-era ghost named Jonathan Wellington "Mudsy" Muddlemore and his cat, Boo. Oh, and if you're wondering why Mudsy sounds so much like Snagglepuss, it's because it's the same voice; the wonderful and supremely talented Daws Butler, a HB staple.




5) INKY, PINKY, BLINKY, and CLYDE







No other enemies existed in the video game, Pac-Man, other than time and your own inability to move the joy stick fast enough. These four ghosts, apparently, each had their own individual attributes though, honestly, I just remember each adopting the skill of being completely fucking annoying. Their soul (get it?) purpose in existence was to get either in front of you or behind you and touch you thereby rending your chomping yellow mouth in twain. However, strategically placed in the corners of the mazes were your defense and offense against these irritating spooks: POWER PELLETS! Inhale one of these bad boys and you were sending a floating set of disembodied eyeballs back to ghost town. Aw classics...




4) BEETLEJUICE







The Michael Keaton-performed Tim Burton-classic Beetlejuice has become a Halloween staple, and for good reason! When Alec Baldwin and Gena Davis find themselves less than alive, they suddenly realize they might need help retaining their home from Jeffery Jones, Catherine O'Hara, and Wynona Ryder. Who are you going to inadvertantly get ahold of? Beetlejuice, that's who! Cue the MAYHEM!




3) BOOBERRY







The one and only delicious spook on this list, so he's certainly got that going for him, and indeed the most difficult to find save for the Halloween season. I have no Earthly idea why, he's just as tasty as his cereal brethren, Frankenberry and Count Chocula, but he's just not available on the off season! Here's funny, too: I don't generally like blueberries outside of breakfast foods, so, to that end, I love pancakes with them, and, consequently, this cereal! Ok, now I want some...




2) SLIMER





** Right about 4:53 is where the magic happens **


First seen during the investigation of the library in the original Ghostbusters, Slimer was an instant fan favorite and soon after went on to star in the Real Ghostbusters cartoon and appear in the sequel to the film. Basically, he's just a fat green wad of ectoplasm, but that's done nothing to take away from his fame.




1) CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST









There really shouldn't be any need to even describe who this is. So, I'll let the vignette speak for itself. HAVE A GREAT HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

THE TOP TEN HALLOWEEN NECESSITIES

So Halloween is Friday and I have to say I really look forward to it every year. We were smart and got our kids costumes a month ago so we're more than prepared there. Also, since we're not going to be home, no need to stock up on goodies to hand out, so we've got that going for us. Anyway, the neighborhood we frequent happens to be my Grandmother's and is consequently filled with the elderly and families more than willing to doll out massive wads of the good stuff. Oh sure, my kids love the candy, as do I (no big secret there) but they are relatively picky and pretty much leave all the chocolate to me. Yep, I WIN! As for the trinkets (ie: spider rings, coupons, what have you), they generally get those and that's cool with me. Anyway, enough prattling on, here's our list for the day consisting of the TOP TEN NECESSITIES FOR HALLOWEEN ENJOYMENT. Have a good one!




10) SCARY STORIES







What Halloween could respect itself without the benefit of a scary story or two? None, that's which ones. The book I have shown here is the wildly popular and excessively freaky SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK. I remember reading this little nugget of shivers when I was in school (I'm 34) and this thing still manages to illicit the goose pimples (did I mention I'm 34! Shit, I can handle ANY horror movie but this book continues to get to me...) If you want to truly give your children nightmares for life, read them some of these gems. Here's a sample.




9) HALLOWEEN PARTIES







Halloween parties were the places to be when I was a lad about town looking for anywhere to hork down liters of alcohol. They apparently still are, but I wouldn't know as I have more pressing issues at hand, namely children who want to go out begging. I digress. The best thing about really good Halloween parties were the ones where you went as costumed as possible, tossed your keys into a big bowl, partied like it was your last night on earth, and left with whomever owned the keys you were paired with. Good times; ugly chicks. Wait, maybe that wasn't that much fun after all.




8) HALLOWEEN SPECIALS ON TV







Sadly, gone and long-missed are the days when Halloween Specials on TV ran rampant. I used to love the Garfield Special, there was a Casper one I vaguely remember, and I think the Thundercats go Trick or Treating... maybe. Anyway, the only one now that's as classic as all the others is the one you see above: It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Easily the best and the first part of their still-televised Holiday Trifecta including Thanksgiving and Christmas. Oh sure, if you have cable (and what normal human doesn't), you can count on ABC Family or Disney to pump out the specials for you, but none can compare to the steadfast greatest.






7) SPOOKY MUSIC







Spooky music can very easily set the mood for any Halloween occasion from a big bash to a cemetery-themed front lawn. My favorite, which I will graciously include here, is the Danny Elfman-performed theme to Tales From The Crypt. Not especially scary, but in certainly invokes a slew of memories of that amazing show from HBO. Oh, and in case you didn't know, John Kassir, the voice of the Crypt Keeper, also did Roger Rabbit. There's your trivia for the day.






6) HAUNTED HOUSES







Many channels of late have offered up tons of shows based on a group of folks heading out to a supposed haunted house and, putting themselves in paranormal dire straights, spending the night there photographing everything they see and recording all they hear. I have to admit, as a believer, I'll pretty much watch any one of these though I do find the ones featuring some British douche bag being all Chatty Cathy with the spooks a bit far fetched, but they're all pretty cool in their own ways. Oh, and if you've never been in a haunted house (I've been in half a dozen anyway), nothing quite prepares you for it. Trust me.




5) HORROR MOVIES







It used to be that Halloween marked the best time of year to shell out your cash for any number of Halloween films and Horror films. Now, not so much. The last bastion of hope these days is to catch yet another entry into the Saw franchise, and that's cool, but I do long for the bygone days when one could expect at least a handful of them out there. Oh well. Shit, even the new Friday the 13th re-imagining/remake/untold nugget doesn't see release until February and the oft heralded Trick R Treat isn't getting wide release at all! So, here's a treat for those of you who miss a good horror flick:






4) DECORATIONS







Halloween decorations are a must for a family with children. Believe me, having just moved and not being able (see: wanting) to put up Halloween detritus this late in the season is garnering certain reactions (see: whining) from the kids. Oh well, we'll make it up on Christmas. I would suggest any one or all of the following: skeletons, ghosts, disembodied hand, grave stones, giant spiders, and a spooky talking face. These are sure to liven up the old digs, especially if you live in a mental institute.




3) HALLOWEEN COSTUMES







It goes without mentioning that one needs a cool costume in order to 'legally' illicit candy from the neighborhood contributors. Nothing hollers laziness and non-conformity like high school-aged jack offs parading around in Hoodies or Football-team T's just to bag some sweets. It's kids like those who need to be toilet-papered to a tree for the night. Get with the program and the spirit and at least get a zombie mask or your sister's Emo make-up and join in on the festivities! The only excuse one has for a lack of apparel is if you're a parent traipsing around with your hyper-active kids bounding from front door to front door. It's hard to keep up in your Furry get-up.




2) JACK O' LANTERNS






Carving pumpkins has certainly come a long way since I was a tyke. Back then, you had your dad take the family butcher knife to the orange gourd and hack away until something resembling a slasher-chopped face appeared, then you plopped in a candle and away you went. A week later, generally on Halloween night, you were left with a pile of rotten vegetation oozing off your front stoop thanks to the weather obviously afflicted with serious Turret's Syndrome, and everyone was happy. Today? Shit, you need clay and wood-carving tools, a master's degree in design, and an imagination better than your neighbor's just to come up with something partly original. Yay Halloween!





1) CANDY







Let's face it: aside from the once-feared All Hallowed Eve, and the prospect of Devil's Night, and the lore of the Dead rising from graves, Halloween will always be about the candy. Why else would anyone bother getting dressed up to go out for the night if you weren't going out to ransack the neighborhood of its sweet, sweet rewards? There would be no point. Now, for the most part, candy is candy and I can and will consume nearly everything in an attempt to make sure my kid's bags of goodies are free from cyanide and razor blades, but, do us all a favor and avoid any and all of these: Necco Wafers, Chunky Bars, Smarties Necklaces, and those chalkier than a classroom backboard Monster Themed Candies. Ok, now you may carry on.