THE TOP 10 MST3K SHORTS (PART I)

Aside from the obvious 'just-plain-cool' factor of Joel or Mike along with Crow and Tom making fun of some of cinema's worst film efforts of all time, there were the wonderfully goofy 'Shorts' from the 40's and 50's that accompanied many of the crews movies. I am an ENORMOUS Mystie fan (#1368 in the Mystie Fan Club, fool!) with each and every available episode on DVD (and even several *ahem* not yet available, if you catch my meaning), and i have seen every single short at least half-a-dozen times. This is the very reason why this list has got to be a Part I: there are just far too many to whittle them down into just ten. Twenty, maybe, and so the sequel will appear in a future list. Anyway, here are the first ten...



SPRING FEVER (From Ep: 1012 - SQUIRM)





"Spring loving BASTARD!"




9) POSTURE PALS (From Ep: 320 - THE UNEARTHLY)









"First Down and Goal to Go!"

"Tommy drew a bong!"

"Alright honey, I'm going to kill this tree if you don't stand up straight."

"Your body is like a growing tree"-"With dutch elm disease"




8) HIRED! (From Ep: 423 - BRIDE OF THE MONSTER)







'So... time for booze!'

'Maybe I shouldn't have dressed as the Angel of Death...'

'...But I don't have a car... HEY! Wait!...'




7) A DATE WITH YOUR FAMILY (From Ep: 602 - INVASION U.S.A.)








"Brother has a tight, psychological grip on junior"

"Let's go to the flow chart for this"

"Emotions are for ethnic people"




6) ALPHABET ANTICS (From Ep: 306 - DADDY-O)






'You VILL dance for me, Eva!'




5) JOHNNY AT THE FAIR (From Ep: 419 - THE REBEL SET)

Narrator: Johnny even got to the midway for a ride, but the fun didn't last nearly long enough.

Servo [as Narrator]: Johnny's car rolled and burned.

Narrator: There were displays from all over the world, from countries Johnny was just learning about. Fine porcelain from France. Riches from the Orient. Silks and pearls from India.

Joel: Simulated culture like Disneyland.

---

Narrator: "No, Johnny," says Mom, "We're going to the art gallery."

Servo [as Mom]: And you'll like it!

---

Narrator: Johnny can't read the words "Chemical Wonderland".

Joel: Oh, we've all been there.

---

[An acrobat bicycles on a tightrope, balancing more acrobats on his balance rod and shoulders.]

Joel: Boy, they're sure tough on drunk drivers in Canada.

---

[Johnny watches himself jump in a distorting mirror.]

Narrator: Afterwards, Johnny can't stop going up and down.

Crow [as Narrator]: The drugs from the Chemical Wonderland start to kick in.

4) THE CHICKEN OF TOMORROW 1 & 2 (From Ep: 702 - THE BRUTE MAN)

[Over the short's title screen.]

Crow: The Bill Clinton Story!

Servo: The chicken of tomorrow in a deadly battle against the chicken of today!

---

Narrator: But wait a minute, you may be saying...

Crow: Why am I watching this?

Narrator: Can those chicks just out of the shell be sent without food on trips of a day, two days, even three?

Servo: You bet!

Narrator: Indeed they can!

Servo [surprised]: ...Heh, I was right!

---

[As a truck carrying baby chicks drives as the scene fades.]

Mike: That guy's escaping disguised as a chicken!

[the next scene fades in]

Crow: Chickens!

3) KEEPING CLEAN & NEAT (From Ep: 613 - THE SINISTER URGE)

[At the behest of the narrator, little Mildred puts away her clothes at high speed.]

Mike: In the '50s, people responded well to authoritative disembodied voices.

---

[The narrator instructs Mildred on brushing her hair.]

Narrator: Brush, and brush, and brush — at least 100 strokes.

Mike [as Narrator]: Just keep brushing and brushing and saying the name of our Lord and Savior!

2) A DAY AT THE FAIR (From Ep: 608 - CODE NAME DIAMOND HEAD)

[A matronly judge unenthusiastically samples a cake.]

Narrator: Judging cakes oughta be fun.

Servo [as Narrator]: … but this woman sucks the joy out of it!

---

[The Narrator talks about lunchtime at the fair.]

Narrator: Over at the 4-H Booth, they get fried chicken with all the trimmings!

Crow: (confused) What, tinsel, little lights?

---

[A lady's judging a cake.]

Narrator: First, she feels the cake...

Crow [as Narrator]: ...then she rubs it into her hair!

1) WHY STUDY THE INDUSTRIAL ARTS? (From Ep: 609 - THE SKYDIVERS)

[In voiceover, industrial arts nerd Joe talks about his beloved craft.]

Joe: And you know, I like the feel of a board moving smoothly against a sharp saw.

Mike [as Joe]: [luridly] … then I thrust the nail into the soft, yielding wood…

Joe: I like the smell of fresh wood chips and sawdust…

Servo [as Joe]: [nervously] I put them in my underwear!

Joe: … the bright glare of a welder…

Crow [as Joe]: [wobbily] I like to sneak in and lay on the table saw!

Servo [as Joe]: Yes!

Joe: … the sharp whine of the power tools…

Mike [as Joe]: … the piercing scream of a freshman…

Joe: … or the dull tap-tap of tools on leather.

Crow [as Joe]: [wobbily] Tap ta-tap-tap… I keep Popular Mechanics under my mattress!

Servo: The feeling of chaps with no pants!

Joe: … A wrench …

Mike: Let it go, man! Shop class was a long time ago! It's OVER!

Joe:…A plane…

Crow [as Joe]: [haltingly] These tools are my friends!

Joe:…or a chisel…

Servo: What about girls young man? Girls?

Mike: No, no, chisels!